Mother of a 10-year-old daughter, Marion is pregnant for the second time. This new pregnancy plunges her back into the “journey” of this stage, a happy memory but strewn with difficulties that must be faced, often in silence.
By SF – Published on Sunday, May 29, 2022 at 08:46
When you become a mother for the first time, you don’t really know what to expect. We often suffer things, deplores Marion, 7 months pregnant.
“The taboo of the first three months”
15 to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage during the first weeks. This first trimester of pregnancy is often lived in the shadows, this is the case of Marion who lived it very badly:
“I had a little depression during those first three months. We are already going through our pregnancy, our body is changing and we have to hide it, because we can lose the baby at any moment. We are not necessarily recognized by the medical field either, because the first ultrasound is at three months, and that is when we are given our pregnancy certificate and we are recognized as future mothers.”, confides the young mother who regrets that there is not more support during this period.
Her first pregnancy, she explains, allowed her to know what she no longer wanted. Sporty, Marion met a midwife who strongly advised her to stop this activity, under penalty of seeing her collar “don’t hold”which she refused to do:
“She didn’t take the time to listen to my practice of sport, she made me doubt. I told myself that I had to stop the sport, one of the only things that helps me stay myself, then finally, I went to see someone else, which I didn’t. wouldn’t have done the first time”.
From this first experience of motherhood, she also remembers that you have to surround yourself well and that some people can be, sometimes involuntarily, very intrusive. She depicts an anthology of thoughtful reflections, to be avoided when faced with a pregnant woman: “She has a big belly, or not enough belly for that matter” and on the principle “Are you expecting twins?”, “How many are in there?” “Oh, are you due soon? “. To shorten it, “when you are faced with a pregnant woman, you just have to ask her how she is and possibly if her baby is fine, that’s all…”. And advice to people who allow themselves to touch the belly of pregnant women: “stop”.
“Do not feel guilty for sometimes regretting your life before”
Before her first pregnancy, Marion would have liked to be told that this experience was not going to be all rosy, “knowing that sometimes we can have wanted this child as much as we want, we can experience it badly, and we don’t have to feel guilty. There are times when it’s very hard, physically. We gain weight, we see our body change, we sometimes have cravings that assail us, sometimes we are sick, we have a permanent fear that something will go wrong with the baby, and we have the impression that we can’t complain. You shouldn’t feel guilty either for sometimes regretting your life before”.
As for childbirth, there too, despite the preparation courses, the mother of the family did not feel sufficiently ready the first time.
“We are not sufficiently prepared for all the possible scenarios. The epidural was imposed on me very early, I was not active at all during my delivery. You can say ‘I do not want an episiotomy’ by example, I did not know”.
“Childbirth, we believe that it is the end of the difficulties, but in reality, it is the beginning”, warns Marion, who describes a feeling of dizziness. “We don’t expect that. We look at each other and we no longer recognize each other. We are completely crushed from the inside, we sometimes have tears, an episiotomy or a caesarean section scar that we also have to manage. We have the lochia, for some there is breastfeeding, and the baby, who is not a finished being”,
For Marion, “childbirth is a beautiful moment, a pivotal moment, but that’s not all. That’s what comes next, the real adventure”, she concludes.
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